Helmet Floss

A repository for stories, poetry, songs, limericks and tales.

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Order of the White Elephant
Order of the White Elephant
Posts: 173
Joined: Sun Jul 25, 2004 5:57 am
Location: New York, NY

Helmet Floss

Post by HabbakukLal » Fri Jul 08, 2005 2:13 pm

All deserters will be beheaded,
at five o'clock tomorrow morning.
So get your ... selves together.
And quit ... messing around!

No more nonsense!

The assassination occurred at three thirty.
No one was there to witness it....
Even the breviaries had left their tapestries on the window.
And we were all silenced,
by the sad mildewed cloud ...
that followed around.

I wish I was back on the Mainla ...
On the Mai ... uhm, mmm ...

You can't pin that one on me!
I didn't do a God damn thing.
I was just standing there.
Then, a bunch of Zos came up,
and started laying all this shit on me.
Now what am I supposed to do?!
I'm a Puddlebian!
You can't touch me!

Did you know all Halfling ladies are twenty-two,
and their eyes are blue?
Did you know all towels ...
are white in the Thoom baths?
Did you know Sylvan women wear underpants?
Well, they do!

How does a bard imitate ...
The sound of underpants sliding
Over a Sylvan's thighs,
Down over her ankles,
And over her little toes,
And the RINGS on her toes,
And her unclipped ... toenails?

Lightning struck the magic ... purs-s-s-s-s-e.....

I didn't do a damn thing, man.
I was just standing there
In front of Puck's
And all these ... Gaia worshippers ran up
And a bunch of Undines
And freaks ... and ... Orgas!
And ... just ... started ... nhm ... talking
In all these weird ... languages.
What co ... what could I say?!

Hey, I'm tired of being a freaky ... fighter.
I want to be ZONK!
Let's have some more wars around here!
What a stinking, shitty, little war
We have running over there!
Let's get a big one!
A REAL big one!
With a lot of killings ... and bolts ... and blood.

Sch ... o-o-l days, scho-o-ol days
Good old-fashioned ... rule days.
School days, scho-o-ol days
Good old-fashion RULE days.
You know ... I have one simple request. And that is to have megamouths with freakin' laser beams attached to their heads!

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